blog

Poetic Justice: My New Website is Live!

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 14:15:47 +0100

Dear Friends,

After months of retreat from my more public presence, I'm launching my new website, Poetic Justice, which is live today.

Visit my new site at:
http://www.poetic-justice.ca/home

My contributions to the new site will be more intermittent that the last two years here, as I'm still in a more internal space and going through lots of changes in my own process, as well as working/incubating on a couple larger writing projects (and working 11 hour days at my new teaching job in Seoul!). But Poetic Justice site will be my new public face for the future, and my this site will be coming down in the next few months.

I will contribute blogs there and I am aimed to do a new dialogue in May, and will contribute dialogues with provoking thought leaders now and then throughout the year.

I was aiming for a more sleek and aesthetically simple site... also one that is a bit more focused towards my future goals and my own maturing process. I also wanted to include more photos from my travels.

I've also set up a new Twitter account. So if you would like to stay in touch on my future writing, travels and dialogues, feel free to follow me here.

Look forward to "seeing" you over at the new site.
With love,
Vanessa

The Art of Discipline

Mon, 25 Mar 2013 06:19:16 +0100

"Learn the rules like a pro... so you can break them like an artist..."

~Pablo Picasso

A Surprising Twist of Fate

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 13:11:28 +0100

The last couple months have been a wild ride. It seemed time to share an update.

I've been off of social media sites (facebook, twitter, google+), going on two months now. I must say I'm loving it. I recommend a short or extended break from social media for anyone. My life has become more quiet, and my attention and energies have really focused in a new way, which has allowed me to attend to the deeper internal and external changes unfolding in my life. I'll likely head back onto social media soon with a different energy and focus.

On a larger note, after 2 months of waiting for my visa to come through for my job in Saudi Arabia, I ended up choosing to not take the job. I was really disappointed about it at the time because I was quite excited about going, but it became a necessary choice for me as my employers and the communication I was having with them was getting increasingly shady and untrustable.

I had really big concerns about landing in Saudi Arabia in a bunk job and not being able to get out of the country for a long time. As a single woman, it can be quite difficult to get out of the country, as they often take your passport at the airport and you cannot leave the country without applying to get out, which can take time. As a single woman, you are also not free to just walk out the door of your home, or out of the country.

I was also getting somewhat concerned with the fact that there is simply no legal system in Saudi. It is all based on Sharia law (Muslim custom), and Saudis are somewhat known for shifting the goalposts as they see fit. I had to sign a visa form that stated I would accept being subject to capital punishment if I disobeyed the laws of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Although I know it is highly unlikely that I would ever be subject to capital punishment there, it felt weird signing my life away.

They do still do beheading in the city square, and there was this fascinating recent case of a young Sri Lankan woman who was be-headed in Saudi with no legal process or legal representation.

Granted, they treat westerners way different than their immigrants from poor countries like Sri Lanka, and I hadn't planned to do anything worthy of capital punishment (the most common for a Westerner would be drug trafficking or maybe if I slept with a Saudi woman). But I was moving to Riyadh, which is the most conservative city of Saudi Arabia (other cities like Jeddah are much more liberal), and I was concerned about just being in the wrong place at the wrong time or opening my big mouth to the wrong person, and then just having no real law process available to me.

Anyways, with the increasingly shady communication I was having with my employer, I decided it was not worth the risk at this time. I may still try to get to the Middle East next year, as I still have a huge desire to go and a fascination for the cultures there, but I would apply to be in a more liberal area like Oman, Dubai or Qatar if I go.

I was also just watching the movie Argo this past week, and it gave me a moment's pause about the real implications of living in the Middle East in certain areas, at certain times. The movie is a true story about a group of Americans that were trapped in Iran during the late 70s--a unique time in Iranian history. A really great movie worth watching. Here's a short trailer.

So shortly after deciding not to take the job in Saudi, I was offered a teaching job at a prestigious private school in Seoul called Dongdaemun Poly. I'm now back in South Korea and loving the new school so far (just started this week). I'm working as a kindergarten and elementary teacher, teaching all subjects from art to literature to math. It's a stable teaching job, and not ESL specific (as all the students already speak great english), which is awesome because it is way more interesting and varied for me.

My class sizes are also quite small (5-12 students) because of the elite nature of the school, and the kids are great and well disciplined (and did I mention cute as hell!). It's very good pay, and my co-workers are friendly and mature (most of them are in their thirties).

Overall, I feel like I scored a great job, which is a great feeling after the fear I went through cutting my Saudi job and not knowing where I would end up.

I'm also quite enjoying being back in Seoul. It is very different coming back the second time around and has offered me a unique comfort and familiarity. After living in Russia, where the bureaucracy and corruption is so intense, I have a whole new appreciation for how great Seoul is for expat living. Sometimes you have to go away to realize the value of a place. Everything here is so efficient and fast and English friendly. In Russia, I often had to wait weeks just to get a showerhead fixed. Granted, I wouldn't take back the experience of living in Russia because it was totally fascinating!

It is also just awesome to be working again, and to have a solid job under my feet to move forward.

I'm also in the process of a few big independent projects. I'm currently building a new website, which will be launched in the coming months. It felt time to create a new space for myself and my public offerings, so the new website will facilitate that. This website has been a great vehicle for me over the last year and a half, but I feel I've outgrown it's skin, and a new phase my being is wanting to emerge through a new site. I will announce the launch of that site here in near future, so stay tuned.

I'm also immersed in a big writing project that is focusing most of my free time and attention. I'm quite excited about the project, but cannot share more yet... more to come in future...

All in all, my life is pretty good. Grounded, simple, spartan and focused. And 30 is just around the corner--hard to believe! I'm one of those weird people who can't wait for my 30s :) I notice myself feeling different already at 29. I'm increasingly comfortable in my own skin, and life is becoming more aimed and, in many ways, more interesting...

So that is the update from this end of the world for now. Peace, love and much more to come soon!


                                 Seoul at night

Creative Emergence: Social Media, the Dakini & The Deconstruction of Public Self Image

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 14:07:00 +0100

Dear Friends and Readers,

A month ago, I chose to close down my facebook, google + and twitter accounts.

I didn’t say anything publicly about closing my social media accounts because it didn't seem especially pertinent to announce at the time. Since then, though, I've had some queries from people as to my reason for leaving social media space, so I thought I’d just take a few moments to speak to why I've closed down my accounts temporarily.

First of all, I do intend to return back to social media forums in the future. When exactly that will be, I’m not completely sure yet.

Social media has been amazing in how it has kept me connected, across continents and across friendships that have been made at all different points in my life. It has also been great for sharing my art, writing, interviews and travel adventures with others.

But there was something that was increasingly feeling out of sync for me. Although I had racked up an impressive number of friends on social media sites, I was struggling with a subtle feeling of disconnection and distraction and wanted to make a conscious practice of more raw presence in my everyday life. I also wanted to relieve some of my psychic space from the pulls of social media in order to bring more quality of attention to deeper changes occurring both internally and externally in my life and work.

I've also been entering a new phase of emergence in my self and path and no longer felt the desire to uphold a linear continuous public social image. A certain kind of break needed to occur in order to make room for something new that is wanting to emerge… What exactly that is, I’m still unfolding and discovering as it moves and matures through me. It is definitely a deeper pull of my spirit and art emerging to make herself known with a new edge…

I’ve learned something fascinating over the years of working with people who are navigating a life in the public eye, and having had some experience navigating my own relationship with the public space. Recognition and increasing fame have an interesting impact on people energetically. There is inevitably an image that starts to be created, which is intertwined with outward projections one receives from others (whether positive or negative) and the self-projected images that arise from within oneself. These projections of image formation are often constructed by many unconscious forces embedded within the culture, and within our own psyches.

The process of public self-image construction isn't inherently bad--it is a pretty natural human phenomenon--but has definitely been amplified with a new level of complexity in our increasingly image obsessed, social media and celebrity based culture. It is a process I’m especially conscious of, having seen firsthand how these emerging constructions of public self image can freeze people in unconscious roles, or cause them to play out certain patterns that take them further from their original intentions for stepping up into public leadership in the first place.

I'm very committed in my own life to continual critical reflection on how public self image is formed, as well as how fame, notoriety and the commodification and objectification of the self operate as powerful dynamics within the psyche and the wider culture. In some ways, I don't think these forces of image construction can be completely "overcome", because they are the waters that we swim in as a culture today. That said, I do think we can take on the responsibility to become increasingly conscious of the complex nature of these image construction processes in our own lives, and find ways to work with them, work around them, or deconstruct them, artistically.

I've found this an especially pertinent practice for me as a woman, because there are so many images constructed and deeply embedded within the culture that impact our ideas of what it means to be successful, beautiful, authentic, feminine, powerful, sexy, etc. Finding a true and dynamic voice amidst all that can sometimes seem downright daunting.

I have found that the archetype of the Dakini, in her many forms and permutations, has been a powerful archetype and partnership for me in my own artistic journey to consciously deconstruct and re-construct self-image as I enter more into the public space. The Dakini is a force that evokes break down of illusory and false images in our lives, in order to open us to see to the true heart of things--the bare bones. She is a central archetypal force of nature in my own life, and one that has never pandered to commodifiable or expected images of success, beauty or fame. She is here for a different purpose, and she calls me to that deeper purpose continually, whether I like it or not.

I have come to believe that it is the degree of quality and the artistic integrity we engage in working with, relating to, and consciously dis-engaging from these larger forces of social image construction when necessary, that builds a woman (or man) of character and sustainable soul strength in an increasingly complex and commodified world. It is what keeps us from playing out unconscious patterns of image formation, simply because they are easy, or because they "feel good", or because they sell to the wider culture.

It seems a new layer of depth in this inquiry is emerging for me, and that there is lots to explore as I work artistically with this in my own life. I've decided I want to take some time to listen to what is calling me next, and to follow the impulse that is summoning a new formation of my creative self.

All this is why I've chosen to temporarily close down my social network accounts.

I will definitely re-emerge on social media when the time is right. I will either re-activate my old facebook account, or I may invent an entire new social media page and in a new iteration of self...

In the meantime, this website will stay up, and I'll still be posting now and then here on my blog, and if anyone is needing to get in contact with me personally before my facebook pages is back up, there is contact information on my About Me page.

For those interested, I've also spoken to some of my ideas on the commodification of spirituality and the complex issues surrounding celebrity culture and image construction in my recent interview with Myra Jackson on Gaiafield Radio. Or to read a poem I wrote on my relationship to the dark feminine, visit here.

With love, and in patient anticipation for the next wave as she emerges,
Vanessa

Behind the Image of a Beautiful Woman

Thu, 31 Jan 2013 21:04:54 +0100

This is one of the most moving talks I've ever seen about beauty and the power of image. I have so much respect for Cameron Russell's honesty, and her amazingly deep beauty and care.

Thanks to my friend Rebecca Bailin for sending this to me.

When the Star of Your Soul Begins to Burn...

Sat, 26 Jan 2013 04:28:16 +0100

They Journey
~by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.

But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.

But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

The Flame of Madness: My Interview on Stark Raven Radio

Thu, 10 Jan 2013 00:18:26 +0100

Today, I was interviewed by Vancouver film-maker, Cindy Lou Griffith, who runs and co-hosts a weekly radio program in Canada called Stark Raven R adio. My interview took place within the first half of the radio show, framed within the segment called "Deconstructing Psychiatry."

         Download this Dialogue as an MP3

In this 30 minute segment, Cindy Lou interviews me on my own views regarding madness, trauma, darkness, psychiatry, psych wards, as well as how we might expand on current cultural definitions of mental illness. We also take a unique look at the role of art, creativity, liminality and the dark feminine archetype in navigating the multi-dimensional crucible of madness and healing. The interview ends with me reading one of my poems.

For those interested, This older Interview also offers a unique look at Cindy Lou's own experience through the realms of madness, having grown up and been a primary caretaker for her father who suffered from schizophrenia. Her views on how we might begin to redefine madness as a culture and society offer a unique entry point into better understanding trauma, healing and mental health.

The Gift: Bringing Our Whole Heart Home for the New Year

Wed, 02 Jan 2013 01:18:14 +0100

As the year 2012 comes to a close, I wanted to take a moment to share a poem from one of my favorite 13th Century Sufi poets, Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī. As well as a song from one of my favorite artists, Annie Lennox--The Gift.

May we all bring in 2013 with a quiet ferocity that lifts the veils on our lives and draws us a step, or a leap, closer to alignment with the burning desire of our own greatest aspirations.

With love,
Vanessa

This is love--
to fly toward a secret sky,
to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment.
First to let go of life, and take a step without feet.

A thousand half-loves must be forsaken to take one whole heart home.

~Rumi

Passion, Spirituality and Critical Inquiry: My Interview on Gaiafield Radio

Tue, 08 Jan 2013 07:03:34 +0100

Today, I was interviewed by Myra Jackson on Gaiafield Radio.

You can listen to the interview here.

In this 60 minute interview, we start with an intimate discussion of my own life journey, and explore how my formative experiences and my journey as a global nomad have shaped my unique perspective on spirituality and social transformation.

We cover an array of critical topics including: the importance of travel and gaining global perspective, the integration of political-economic with psycho-spiritual discourses/perspectives, and an exploration of the commercialization of spirituality and spiritual teachings in our contemporary world.

This interview was inspired by an article I recently had published in Kosmos Journal, which compiled a series of my blogs over the last two years on my experience as a global nomad, an artist, and a spiritual seeker.

You can read my article in Kosmos Journal, Journey of a Global Nomad: Breaking Down and Breaking through, here.

The Power of Yin

Tue, 20 Nov 2012 16:37:09 +0100

Surrender, by Henry Asencio

On my last day in Russia...

I suddenly realized that my soul had been searching relentlessly, for lifetimes, for someone who could meet me at the burning edges of my own deepest fire, ferocity, intensity and creativity, without turning away.

A wave of ancient grief imploded within my being--

She wrapped my grief in the cloak of her silence and refused to turn away until I surrendered, full-bodied, to being seen, held, and burned up entirely by the fire of my own love.

Never underestimate the transformative power of Yin...